So I've been reading a lot of difficult books in my senior seminar class; about children forced to become soldiers, and little girls forced into prostitution at ages as young as five. It's been rough to read these accounts and then discuss them in class, especially because we're left with this sense of, what's the point of what we're doing? What are we doing that is so damn important, what are our problems compared to theirs? I am so grateful that I was born where I was born, and into a family that loves me. But I still have to deal with my own unhappiness on occasion; it makes me feel stupid for worrying about the things I do and the way I look and act.
I think this class might be my favorite this semester, which is incredible since I didn't even want to take it in the first place. I've seen this pattern in honors courses: The ones I'm really excited for I hate, and the ones I don't want to take are fantastic. The last class for honors that I took and really enjoyed was Biotechnology. Go figure.
I am also really grateful for the group of people that make up our class. We all come from different backgrounds with different experiences, and none of us are afraid to share those. I think we are becoming closer than a normal class would because of this--at least, I feel a kinship to them that I never expected to feel. I think this class is doing me a world of good, even if it's only exposing me to issues I'd never stopped to think about before. Awareness is key; that is one thing we all came to agree on today.
I hope the class will continue to be so great as the second half of the semester goes on. I am kind of looking forward to writing our final (20-page) paper, because it's not research, it's all personal. I like those kinds of essays because it makes me look at myself and who I am, what makes me do the things I do, why I am the way I am. And honestly, I probably won't come to a conclusion. But I'll at least have entertained the notion, and that is certainly something.